Monday morning I got up and put my clothes on. I think I put on my shorts first, then my shirt. Probably followed by my socks. I'm not really sure, I hadn't had any coffee yet. I brushed my teeth, had some breakfast. Took the kids to school.
I went to work each day. Put my time in like everyone else. Solved a few problems; probably created a few of my own on the way. The weekend came just like always. Friday night I did the public address at the local high school football game. Saturday I mowed the lawn. Sunday I went to church and then watched football.
Nothing special about any of that. Just a regular guy doing regular things.
See the guys in this picture. The one on the right is Dave. Dave's mom recently passed away. He's been struggling with her loss.
The guy on the far left is Sam. Sam's doctor told him his blood work did not look good. He has to go back next week for more tests.
The guy with his arms folded is going through a divorce. The other guy just lost his full time job. He doesn't know how he's going to be able to pay the bills.
Not really. I don't know anything about the guys in this picture. But all that could be true, you don't from your seat in the bleachers. One thing I do know, I'm pretty sure the referees at Friday's football game probably had a very similar week to mine. The major difference between them and me, is that during the football game they get yelled at for their mistakes, I just get to laugh and move on from mine.
I'm sure all referees know this by now. Don't take any of your family with you when you work a game. I can't imagine if one of their kids was in the stands watching. Proud of her father out there doing his best. Doing it because he loves the game. Because he loves the atmosphere of the Friday night lights.
Then someone behind starts calling him names. Shouting obscenities. Sad. If they miss a call or don't make one they should, the fans yell at them. If they did make a call that went against our team, the fans yell at them.
Then again, I guess its understandable, right? I mean, we never make mistakes ourselves and we shouldn't tolerate mistakes from others. And I'm sure the real reasons the referees are making those mistakes is some deep rooted attempt to thwart our team's chance at victory. Right? They deserve to be harassed and yelled at. Its only fair. I mean if we don't get justice in this game... well heck, that just might be the launch point to Armageddon.
Sarcasm. Thick sarcasm. (for those of you not adept and reading between the lines.)
Here are some questions for you. Would we yell at them if one was our next door neighbor? Our Pastor? Our boss? I doubt it. We yell at them because they are a nameless entity that is robbing our poor youth of a fair shake at winning this doggone ball game! Right.
I'd like to describe an interesting dynamic that I witness from my place in the booth at football games. One person can sway the mood of an entire crowd. I've seen this multiple times play out before my eyes. Last week I saw scientific proof of this human trait on the television show Brain Games. The show put up some ropes and a sign at a mall. The sign said, "Line starts here." Many people looked at the sign, but everyone walked on by. Then the show had one guy go stand at the front of the imaginary line. Shortly thereafter, two people joined him. Before long the line had thirty-something people waiting in a line they had no idea the purpose of. Then, amazingly, the guy at the front led those thirty people around the mall, conga dancing, jumping over obstacles and singing. Why? The show said there are natural traits in our brain that like to follow. We cling to the "accepted" norm of society and jump right in; sometimes without rational thoughts of our own.
So at a sporting event, one person can sway the mood and actions of the crowd (or at least those within a certain proximity). Normally calm people can suddenly become irate, yelling, belligerent fans because the person near them seems pretty irate that the referee didn't call interference on a particular play.
It's horrible. I know. But I'm not preaching at you. I'm not just pointing out your horrible ways because I'm so perfect. (reference the first line in the blog) "Guilty!" said the judge to me! I'm pointing it out because I've been there and done that. I myself at one time was that ignorant, belligerent fan. Yes, I said ignorant and belligerent. Don't try to rationalize it with words of passion, spirit, and support for your team.
But it clicked for me one day the problem I was creating for myself and others. First, I finally realized the sheer lack of importance of the event itself. I know you may scoff at that, but what is the real significance of a high school football or basketball game? College or Pro for that matter as well? Do small starving children suddenly receive food if your team wins? Are the homeless suddenly provided shelter with a local victory on the gridiron? Does tyranny fall apart in defeat if the if we are victorious on the gridiron (or hardwood, or diamond)? NO.
As a matter of fact, the high school players in the game probably get more out of adversity of bad calls as life lessons than they do anything else to begin with. "It was a bad call. Let's overcome it." Folks, life is tough and it gets a lot harder than high school as you grow older. You are going to get wronged in every aspect. Your job. Traffic on the interstate. Dealing with your insurance agency. How are you going to react to those things. Hopefully not like we might do at a football game. (Can you say road rage or violence in the workplace.)
I also realized the anguish my own actions caused me internally and the cause my actions had on those around me. I left games angry if it went wrong, happy if it went well. My mood was controlled by the outcome of a high school game. When did I allow my emotional stability to be controlled by the athletic prowess of high school kids and men I didn't know wearing zebra outfits? Was I letting that happen in other aspects of my life? Were events totally outside my control driving the flavor of my mood? I think they were. I had lost control of myself - and yourself is actually the only thing in this world you can control. Eeek!
Eventually I created a calmer behavior in myself during sporting events. I can watch without getting all emotionally wrapped up in them. I can recognize a bad call without it ripping my guts apart as some form of global injustice. I see it as it truly is. Part of life. Sure bad calls still bother me, but when I'm faced with them I try to look at the referee as a person with a family that might be in the stands, or with his/her own personal problems to deal with.
Here is a point for you to ponder... I'm sure all of you have seen some of the videos and things pushing the anti-bullying campaigns. Bullying sucks. Plain and simple. But what is the difference between yelling and harassing a referee and bullying? (remember, don't rationalize. Look at the core problem with both).
I hope this perspective will bleed into other parts of your life as well. Being stuck in traffic will just be time to reflect on your thoughts. Having to constantly battle with the insurance company will be just another task that day. Your mood will improve. You might even find your acid reflux subsides a bit.
Treat others as you would like to be treated. Love your neighbor as yourself. Remember, refs are people too.
God Bless,
Rob
www.starvt.com
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